I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize