dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
