Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize