Since when is my name a synonym for head?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
