remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
