IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
