Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
