Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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