Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
