1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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