Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
