He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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