Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All the doctor said was why
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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