Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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