OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
