Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
