i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
