i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
