that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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