well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize