she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
