we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
