i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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