Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
