All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
