Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
