dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
