shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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