I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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