I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
