If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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