There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
