Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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