By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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