Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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