Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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