mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
