I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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