I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Randomize
