end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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