How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
