she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
