My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
