Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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