you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
