Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
