I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize