was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
