i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
