i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
