My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
