that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
