everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
