just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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