the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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