i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
