Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
