the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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