I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
