went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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