Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
