my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
