Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
