she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
