you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
