I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
