I accidentally had phone sex last night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm bleeding and have questions
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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