If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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