today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
