what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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