Tell her she can't have a vagina
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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