its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
