Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
