but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
