Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
