Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The best revenge is premature balding
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
