You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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