it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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